I didn’t make any particular resolutions this year, because I realize I’m making and refining resolutions to myself every single day. Lately I’ve been really wanting to focus on budgeting and saving my money. I want to spend on meaningful, productive things – not frivolous, material things that will come and go. Today I created a budget for myself using the website YNAB (You Need A Budget), it’s really cool. I feel excited and relieved, there is a way.
Obviously I’m always working on my health – physical and mental. Fighting to feel good and to look good and to be the me of my dreams. It’s a sloppy-ass journey for me, touch and go. Lots of wins and lots of steps backwards too. But most important is that I am making progress. Day after day, year after year, decade after decade. I try not to focus on the small wins and losses, but remember that ultimately in the scheme of things, as I live my life, I am working towards the same big picture. And I am getting there.
I want to live the life of my dreams, and I know I can. I just need to make it happen. I need to make time for it. I need to work on it, I need to try. Try hard.
I feel like a wise human, and a productive human – yet every day is a struggle. Not like I’m suffering, just like I’m hustling. Constantly learning from my mistakes, getting better and then muddying the waters again. Then dusting myself off and proceeding in the direction of my dreams. Succeeding, winning, being proud. Loving myself. Also self reflective, self critical. Humble. Reasonable. In touch with my tiny place in the world.
It’s really hard to stay focused, and to know how to use my time. It’s hard to organize all of my thoughts and to know how to act on them. It’s hard to be good at what I do and to be put together and to keep my life in order. But I try. I will never stop trying and I will never stop getting better at it. Because it’s not hard for me to be driven. It’s not hard for me to feel motivated or excited about the possibilities. It’s easy for me to dream. It’s easy for me to want to have a profound effect on the world. It’s easy for me to care. It’s easy to want to be good, to want to be better, to want to inspire others. It’s easy for me to be inspired by others because there is incredible all around me.
I can see it all so clearly, I just need to make it happen.
This year I will, and every year I will. Every day I will. Every moment is a new beginning.
Just keep going.
I can’t wait <3.
Happy new year.